A Message to Lizards

You know, I've notice a LOT of lizards running around lately. I've seen the little green Geiko ones, black ones, gray ones, etc. There are so many lizards around, it's almost creepy. With so many of you guys around, here are a few tips:

1) IF YOU WANT TO LIVE, GET THE F*CK OUT OF MY NEIGHBORHOOD. I'm sorry, anything that moves I want to eat.

2) If I have eaten one of your relatives, I apologize but this IS what I do for a living.

3) Contrary to popular belief, lizards do NOT taste like chicken. It's more like a combination of moth balls and beef jerkey. I guess.

4) If I see you, don't run. Just lie there like a leaf, lie back and think about England. Do they have lizards there?