Kill It

One of my favorite toys is It. It has two squeaky things in it and one of my goals this summer is to tear It apart and eat them. I'll let you know when I'm successful.

Over it!

It's only the end of July, but I'm over summer. You think you're hot? Imagine being four inches off the ground and running after squirrels. And you're wearing a fur coat. I think I'm going to just lay around today.

What not to wear

So today dad takes me recycling. I don't do much but sit in the car, but I love to see what people wear. Now, I don't wear clothes, but if I did, I would dress a bit better than some of these slobs. I know you are just recycling, but must you wear spandex? And what is up with the sports bras as a top? I know it's hot (try having a fur coat on all the time), but people you really need to think about what not to wear.

A Message to Lizards

You know, I've notice a LOT of lizards running around lately. I've seen the little green Geiko ones, black ones, gray ones, etc. There are so many lizards around, it's almost creepy. With so many of you guys around, here are a few tips:

1) IF YOU WANT TO LIVE, GET THE F*CK OUT OF MY NEIGHBORHOOD. I'm sorry, anything that moves I want to eat.

2) If I have eaten one of your relatives, I apologize but this IS what I do for a living.

3) Contrary to popular belief, lizards do NOT taste like chicken. It's more like a combination of moth balls and beef jerkey. I guess.

4) If I see you, don't run. Just lie there like a leaf, lie back and think about England. Do they have lizards there?

DogSpeak

You know, it's not easy doing a blog when you are a dog. You think you have problems typing? Please. Try doing control-alt-delete when two paws and a tongue. Luckily my Daddy will transcribe for me. Also he has a slightly bigger vocabulary. My sentences tend to be more of the one-to-two word kind: "gotta pee," "breakfast," and my favorite: "kill it." When people blather on endlessly, I just stare at them. I often wonder if they have any food or do they know where can I find that one squirrel (where?) with the ratty tail. When Daddy and Pappy aren't around, I do check my email so drop me a line.

Welcome!

This is my first post, so please be gentle and if not - get bent. I'm ten years old (at least seventy of your years, fartbiter, so get over it.) Being a neurotic dog, I have a special ability to see things they were they are, especially 8" from the ground. Hopefully you will enjoy my rants and raves, and if not I really don't care. But I mean it with love!