Old Sparky

So the other day Daddy puts together this contraption. At first I thought it was an electric chair. I know he's been looking for a job but he doesn't seem all that down and I thought the worst -- but then I heard it was an Inversion Table. I swear they said Immersion Fable, which is what Finding Nemo is all about. I digress.

Daddy gets into for about 10 minutes and then - get this - flips upside down. He says it helps his bad back. I think he does it just so all the blood flows to his head and he gets a cheap thrill. Whatever.

As I see it

Dogs have crappy eyesight, or so I'm told. I know I can sniff a piece of bacon a mile away, but if you drop it in front of me, I might walk on it. Recently I figured out that my eyes are better than I thought. You see the problem is that I have to look out the front door through this piece of cut class. Daddy ordered it trying to be high-falutin' and all Frenchy and that still got his butt laid off. Anyway when I look through this door, I see two (or more) of everything. So you see, it's not just me! Now I need to go look for my tail, I can't see it.

Daddy was Euthanized

My Daddy got "let go" from his job yesterday. Actually it was a RIF: Reduction In Force. It's like at the pound where they don't gas you any more, you are euthanized. I don't know why everyone talks about youth in asia so so much. I guess maybe since maybe these teens are online all the time? Anyway Daddy seems to be in really good spirits, I don't think he liked those people. They were always sons of beaches, but I don't think anyone there swam a lot. I'm confused but I support him.

Give Me Some Credit, Please

I know I'm only four inches off the ground, but some days Daddy and Pappy don't give me enough credit. For example, when they put in the laminate floors, I couldn't jump up into the big bed. The problem was I couldn't get enough traction to break free of the earth's gravity. Sorta like a movie where plane going down the runway and the pilot yells "Oh Shit!" So they went to PetsMart (yeah!) and bought these foofy stairs. They look nice, but they're kinda hard to use. When they're home, I use them all the time. The second they leave, I still jump up in the bed. Sometimes I let loose a big fart on the comforter just out of spite. But I still appreciate their thoughtfulness, but just give me some credit.

Are You Smarter Than a Two-Year Old

Apparently I am! My Daddy read to me about this new study that showed just how smart dogs really are. I could have told you that. People think I just sleep all day, but I spend my time thinking about quantum physics, the implications of William the Conqueror capturing England in 1066 and what the f*ck is up with Brittany Spears these days.

I'm Just Whupped

No, nobody beat me, that was my old life. Just like Whitney Houston, I need to get off the bathroom floor, put in my false teeth and sing something. Just having a hard time getting up today.

Brush Down

Sometimes I like to run around nekkid in the backyard. Well OK, I guess since I don't usually wear clothes (just fur) I am technically nude all the time , but cut me some slack (pervert). Yesterday I got to take off my harness and leash and get groomed. Yeah!

Other Toy

My other favorite toy is Peng'in. You might call it a penguin, but it's hard to tell from the photo. I'm trying to eat off the feet and wings, and my long term goals include decapitating it and eating the stuffing. Hey everyone has dreams!